the breakup (at last)

I wish this post was more encouraging.

I have deleted mr. (was supposed to be) right from my phone. Why bother? He never once said he would try, not once in 8 months.

Was I blind? Not quite. Was I just someone fascinated by pain and having a broken heart? nope. Maybe I was just a girl with low self esteem that thought couldn't do better. Can I? Who knows? Can I do worse? Probably. Will I ever settle? no way! I am in for at all, or nothing at all.

So for all of you out there: be ware. It is what it is. If it seems to good to be true, it probably is. So If you are really only interested in playing games, do us both a favour: go find yourself a better-than-nothing gal that will put up you, cause I sure wont.

Adios kido.

It is all quite clear, and right in front of me: what I could be doing, but I am not. As I take a break from the books, I see the lights of the mountain where I could be skiing, the club I love to go to and the party I am not invited to (of my neighbours, downstairs). Instead, I am studying (and posting) on a Friday night. How exciting!

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We sincerely appreciate your interest and wish you sincere success in your search.

How many times do I need to tell you? You should not waste your time and effort calling me if you already know you are not the one. I told you a million times: you are employed, taller than me, have bright green eyes and hate Bon Jovi, just like me. You are not a temporary visitor, or an illegal alien. You are definately not stuck in a dead-end job or lack ambition. You are confident, smart, unafraid to take risks and extremely social. You are serious, but also have a sense of humour. You have a passion for music (good music) and are not completely fashion clueless. You can be sensitive when you need to, and romantic (but never cheesy or clingy). You are a gentleman, but not old fashioned. You are looking for me, because I am exactly the kind of girl you imagine spending the rest of your life with. You are not intimidated by me, or the fact that I am strong-willed, ambitious and driven. You love the fact that I am sensitive, and sometimes a bit sarcastic. You find my goofiness charming and do not see my emotioanl side as a sign of weakness. You, as I, value family, friendship and loyalty. You do not smoke and take your health seriously. You are not perfect, I know, but you try your best. You can say "I am sorry" and are able to recognize when you make mistakes. You are also not afraid to be honest, or stand up for what you believe in.
Someone I care about deeply told me I should not be too picky. But I am assuring you I am not going to settle for anyone other than you. I will be patient and am confident that you are out there, and as naive/cheesy as this may sound, I am willing to wait as long as it takes until you come to me.

It was a "good date", so what is wrong with me?

I am going to cheat. This is an old post that was supposed to be part of this blog a long time ago. Once you read more (and I start posting) I hope you will realise why I never got around to setting up the blog until now.

Thoughts after coming back from a date:

So, we are probably not going to date. I don’t think there was chemistry. But then again, what do I know?. Most of my dates have had alcohol involved, and that being said, attraction can be easily found when you are drinking. I guess this is what mature dating looks like. The whole deal the way it should be. Coffee, lots of time for conversation (uncomfortable silences included) and a movie. I am a bit clueless… does this mean there probably shouldn’t be more dates? Would this be a waste of time? Is it ok to give it another try because it is always good to have friends that you can talk to, knowing that you might never be interested? Wouldn’t that mean I would be wasting someone else’s time? And if so, wouldn’t that be completely selfish on my part? Decisions, decisions, and lots of time to think! I have to say though, coming back from a fireworks/butterflies in the stomach-free date is surprisingly more disappointing than if I had just come back from a lousy date. If the guy was an idiot, I would be happy to say: well, at least we figured that one out soon enough, and now move on to the next person. In this case –going out with a nice guy that I might never like just because- makes the whole dating thing seem a little hopeless. It could mean that a. maybe it is me, I am being too picky and I will never be completely happy with anyone; b. this might be what dating nice guys is going to be like, so I am going to be either stuck to the idiots and being passionately miserable forever or settle for the nice boy and be comfortable (but not necessarily happy) or c. how many more of these must I go through before finding the one I like?

Finally, coming home at a reasonably late hour, just on the verge of being too late to still go out but not that late to justify staying home, and having no emails, msn messages or texts of the “other” potential candidates makes it even sadder. Here is this guy, that just took me out on quite a nice evening and I am not that happy. And he is probably the only one that cared enough to hang out with me tonight. It feels like I don’t have that many choices and puts a little pressure on accepting a second date. Who would say no to the only dude that is interested??

On a positive note, I learned a valuable lesson tonight: the guys I thought would be so interesting and mature and smart that they would be intimidating... Not so much. As it turns out, they are normal people, just like the rest of us. So maybe I am now ready to be open to dating men from a completely different category. The successful driven professionals can be just as (un) exciting as the idealist, adventurous rock stars.